Scott and I sat with him that night, and he purred on my soft robe.  (He was normally a purring machine and hadn’t purred all day, so in retrospect, I see that was sort of a last effort on his part to love us.)  I slept on the couch Tuesday evening in case he passed away in the night.  I really didn’t want the boys to find him before I did.  It was a very long night.

On Wednesday, he was worse.  After talking to Scott about it and the both of us sitting down with the kids, I called the vet – who was able to translate my squeaked out, monosyllabic request for an appointment.  The thought of losing him nearly broke my heart, but the thought of such a dear, good cat suffering was even worse.  He had been a faithful friend through my entire adult life.  I knew that it was only a matter of a few hours before he would be in really bad shape, and I wanted to save both the cat and the kids from having to go through that.

That afternoon, Scott came home early so he could take the kids out and about, while I said good-bye to my little buddy.  It wasn’t easy, but I knew I had to do it.  Afterwards, I was a wreck.  I think God had given me just enough strength to stay the course and do what needed to be done, because when it was over, I was unbelievably sad.  When the family came home, we all grieved together.

It was a heart-wrenching time, but as the days passed, I was able to watch the kids and see the workings of their hearts as they processed their loss.  It crossed my mind that many of you may have found or may find yourself in this position.  I thought it might be helpful to share how we handled talking to the boys about the death of their pet, as well as ask you all to share any additional tips you have found to ease the process.  So, do feel free to share.

(Note – since changing to the WordPress platform, I have received copious amounts of spam comments.  In order to keep the blog clean and useful, I now approve comments before they post.  So, if you don’t see your comment immediately, never fear… I will get it online asap:-)

Be Honest

When we knew for certain the cat was fading, we sat the kids down and told them, in clear and simple terms.  We told them that animals give us certain signs when their life is ending and that Izzy was exhibiting those signs.  We let them know that he would soon be suffering and that by taking him to the vet, we would be saving him from a painful ending.  We reminded them what a wonderful cat he had been and made sure they knew that we were helping him to go peacefully because of our love for him.

Be Brief

We let them cry when they needed to, but more than once over the course of those first days, we had to bring them out of their grief so they could catch their breath.  We needed to give them a distraction so their hearts could rest and recover.  This was especially true for our younger, more sensitive son.  His grief was overwhelming him that first night.  I told him to just picture a white wall in front of him.  He is a very visual kids – just like his dad – so I told him that anytime an image invaded his thoughts, he could erase it so that the wall was white again.  He could cry when he felt sad, but that white wall was always there for him if he needed to stop feeling sad for a while.

Kids are also remarkably resilient.  They feel loss deeply, but are much more quick to return to daily life after a loss than grown-ups are.  Watch for signs that they need normalcy.  I was a little amazed that they seemed so much better than I was, in a shorter time frame.  I had to be careful not to let my (longer) grieving process affect the healing that they were experiencing.

Be Bare

The kids haven’t often seen me cry.  I used this opportunity to show them a little bit of my emotional side.  They saw me cry for Izzy those first days.  They now know first-hand that Mom and Dad can experience loss and can be sad and that everything will still be ok.  That being said, they saw that sadness come from a self-controlled adult, not a mom who was a hot mess.  (I saved the hot mess for moments for when I was alone:-)  A parent who is a hot mess is scary to a child regardless of their age.  A grieving child is already fearful and sad enough without feeling like they need to take care of you as well.  While this is a good opportunity to be bare with your kids, that openness needs to be tempered with self-control.

Be Thankful

Healing comes from many places.  For me, gratitude has been remarkably healing.  I am so thankful for the long life of that cat, for his health, for his happy disposition.  I am also thankful that his end was as good as I could have imagined it short of him going peacefully in his sleep.  Scott and I have both talked to the kids about all of the joy Izzy brought us and how lucky we were to have him for so long.  The silly stories and happy memories, while bittersweet, have their own healing power.

Be Aware

Everyone processes grief differently, and kids are usually more resilient than we think.  As a parent, it was important for me to read them carefully and use this situation to teach them how to handle their emotions.  I could see what they were feeling much more clearly than they could and give them words for their feelings.

I also had to make sure they weren’t trying to bear the weight of my feelings.  For example, it took a few days before I really wanted to eat.  I didn’t make big deal of it.  I knew my appetite would come back (although…:-)  But, they apparently noticed and kept trying to entice me to eat with Snickers and Swedish Fish, which really cracked me up.  I was glad they were being thoughtful of others.  After a few tries, though, I had to make it clear that I was in no danger of starving to death.  I told them that my body was just working on getting through my sadness and that, eventually, I would have more energy for eating again.  I could almost see the relief in their faces.

Be Flexible

As weird as it sounds, Izzy was like a big fluffy brother to the boys.  Because we homeschool, he was always with us – reading on the couch, playing with scraps of paper from a project, or “talking” to us while we did math.  They were used to having him around 24-7.  When he was suddenly gone, it was like a big empty space settled into our home and our hearts.  The days leading up to his death and the one after felt very foggy to all of us.  I let them play much more than normal and suspended school for that time.  We were just focused on the next breath and didn’t expect too much from ourselves.

Be Normal

That being said, daily routines are comforting forces in our lives that carry us safely from one day to the next.  Childhood thrives on routine, and this can be especially true after a loss.  We took a day after Izzy passed to be sad, but the day after that, I made it a point to start in on some schoolwork again.  That may seem a little cold to some, but for us, it was crucial to get back into our daily lives and work.  It also helped us work through so many of the touchpoints in the day that reminded us of Izzy.  It was hard to do morning read-aloud time (a staple in our house) without him jumping up and sleeping on us while we read on the couch.  But, after the first day, it became a little easier, and so on.  We experienced many moments like that over the last week.  But, our routines kept us going and working through them, which in turn was very healing in itself.

We still miss our cat.  I truly believe God places certain animals in our lives and hearts as little mercies.  I share our story with the hope that it can be helpful to your family if you find yourself in similar circumstances.  Everyone’s experience with the loss of a pet and the accompanying grief is different.  Some people can’t understand loving an animal, and others feel very deeply for their pets.  I was certainly surprised at how heartbroken I felt.  But, the beauty of love is more powerful than the loss, and I feel so blessed to have had my little companion for as long as I did.  I like to think that, even as he left us, he gave us a parting gift… the opportunity to face a loss together as a family and grow closer because of it.

I realized that intention can be stopped dead in its tracks when attention isn't given to making the destination a little more concrete.  

So, we are going to try something a little different today.

We are going to walk a day in the shoes of a family that exemplifies what the majority of us would probably see as desirable traits.  Cheerfulness, attentiveness, honor, respect, generosity of spirit, perseverance, diligence, and self-control, are evident in our model family's daily life and their interactions with each other.

We'll call them the Noble Family – pun intended:-)

Rise and Shine

The Nobles are up relatively early, even though each member of the family has their own little routine. Mom is usually up first, has some quiet time (and of course, coffee) before the house comes alive.  Dad is up soon after, gives Mom a cheerful, if drowsy, "Good morning" and gets ready for work.  The kids start to come alive – one by one – and head down for breakfast.  Some are a little more animated than others at this time of day, but everyone respects each other's space.  The morning people are thoughtful enough to refrain from boisterous discussion, and the not-so-morning people are civil enough to greet everyone with a cheerful demeanor.

Homeschool Time

After breakfast is cleaned up, showers are taken, and teeth are brushed, it's time to get cracking on some schoolwork.  Mom has given each of the kids their planner for the week, and she's marked which items are independent work and which require her presence.  

Homeschool time usually starts with a read-aloud that the whole family can enjoy.  Today, it's Professor Mom's new reprint of "Five Little Peppers and How They Grew" (I know, shameless plug, but really – those little Pepper children really make my kids smile!) 

Afterwards, everyone head to different parts of the house to do some independent work, while Mom does some work of her own. No crabbing, no whining.  If someone thinks their math assignment is too long, Mom doesn't yell or nag.  She simply hands them another page.  The Noble kids already know that when they shirk their responsibilities, their mother and father believe they need more practice:-) 

Glitch

Everything is moving along nicely until Mom realizes that she forgot to pick up groceries (I know I can relate) and now she doesn't have anything to make for dinner.  Instead of getting irritable, she reminds herself that, while meal planning isn't her strong suit, she is getting better.  Then, she packs everyone into the car and heads to the grocery store. 

Are you imagining kids whining for snacks and teens rolling their eyes?  Not here.  You see, Mom and Dad trained the kids from a very early age that they don't ask for things at the store unless they make the request before they get there.  If the answer is no, they know better than to ask again.  Mom and Dad Noble hold to the theory that if you whine for something, you must have too much already.  Something else that you enjoy will have to go away until your attitude of gratitude returns.

Dinner Time

We already know that Mom is a little challenged when it comes to dinner prep.  However, when Dad comes home and sees that dinner isn't quite ready, instead of crabbing or hiding in front of the TV, he gives her a kiss and offers to pitch in – either with dinner or with the kids.  Mom tells Dad that she will glady take him up on the offer, as long as he takes a few minutes of peace first so he can process his day and wind down.

When everyone heads to the dinner table, the kids tell Dad about the emergency shopping trip and they all get a good laugh at how the best-laid plans…

Each person takes care of clearing his or her own dishes, and whoever is responsible for that night's kitchen clean-up duty gets to work.  If they need to be reminded more than once, then they get to keep that job for a while.  This helps them to remember that everyone has chores so that the household runs smoothly.

The Evening

It's time to wind down.  Mom and Dad laugh at how, no matter what size house they move into, everyone seems to gravitate together within a six-foot radius.  Some are reading, some are playing with legos, others are listening to music.  Even the cat is in on the act.  As they each go about their own interests, they share little anecdotes or jokes or pop over for a hug.  The TV isn't on (that's only for carefully chosen movies or videos.)  Mom and Dad figured out a long time ago that TV – while useful for many things – really is a big time vacuum.  They also know that most of what is on TV is really undoing all of the good habits and attitudes that they have worked so hard to instill in their children.

As the evening wears on, bedtime rolls around.  Again, everyone knows what is expected, so there is no battle.  When rebellion started as toddlers, Mom and Dad simply let the kids know that if they were fighting bedtime, they must be overtired.  The solution – go to bed even earlier.

Now, though, it's just a nice good night, maybe a story with Dad, and read in bed until lights out.  This way, Mom and Dad get some time to talk over household business or just have some time together.

____________

So, there you have it.  A day in the life of the Noble family.  If you are sitting at your computer reading this and thinking that Professor Mom must have lost her last marble, I can assure you that – while this family certainly isn't the norm – it is definitely doable. 

Did you notice that much of the reason that the day goes smoothly is because of how this family utilizes self-control, appropriate consequences, and other-focused thinking?  Next time, we'll explore those two keys to pleasant family interactions in a little more detail. 

Really, really important.

Bedrock of society.

Foundation of the culture.

Cornerstone of the future.

Have I mentioned really, really important?

Over the last century, the place of family in society has shifted from that of bedrock (or foundation or cornerstone) to something nice to have, kind of like dessert after a meal.  That's a good analogy, really, because we see it as something we should be able to enjoy.  We work hard enough, you know.  And, then there are things that eat up all of our time, like work, the gym and – yes, I'll say it – football.  (Couldn't help it… I live in Packerland;-)  Family stuff is nice, but we need to do all of the important stuff first, right?

Ok, that's a little cold.  But, I know people who feel this way, even if they won't verbalize it quite so cynically.  They are overwhelmed with everything life is throwing at them.  If their families don't put up with this type of prioritizing, they either leave the family or they check out.  I will, however, let you in on a little secret…

Most of them don't really want to live like that.  Most of them want to be anchors for their mates and sages for their children.  They want to frolic and train and teach and guide.  They dream of meaningful discussions, fits of hilarity, and moments spent sitting in front of a fire telling old stories that aren't really funny to anyone but the people in that room.  What they don't realize is that the only thing standing in their way is knowledge (and a little self-sacrifice.)

One of the (many) values that drew Scott and I together was the desire to intentionally create our family.  We had our kids somewhat later than many.  That delay gave us a whole lot of time to watch and learn.  We learned a great deal… of what we didn't want to be.  Snotty passive aggressive spousal interactions made us cringe.  And, whining, ungrateful, selfish, jaded children weren't really at the top of our list either.  We started to get a little bit frightened because we saw so little of what we did want.  Where were the families that we could look up to and learn from?

Gratefully, we did find some.  But, all of that searching made us realize that something is missing as young people shift from single to married with children.  The desire to have a committed, happy and loving family is there.  Unfortunately, the knowledge is not. 

So, over the next month, Professor Mom is going to be talking about what it means to intentionally create your family, with a focus on traits such as commitment, perseverance, self-sacrifice, humor, joy, willingness, honesty and a good work ethic.  We'll take a look at a "day in the life" of that family.  It won't be all roses and happy faces, no family goes through life in a bubble.  But, some families have the tools they need to get through the good and the bad, and that is where we are going to set our sights!

It's that time of year again… December 15th – officially 10 days before Christmas.  Maybe you have all of your shopping done, cookies made, and cards delivered and are currently curling up on the sofa with a nice cup of hot cocoa.  I think most of my readers wish they were you:-) 

If you fall into the categories of "not quite finished", "halfway there", or "how the heck am I ever going to get all of this done?!", look no further than your own kitchen to fill in the gaps.

As many of you know, I am not especially skilled in the culinary arts.  That's why I always appreciate any help I can get from those whose wisdom exceeds my own.  If someone handed me a book containing the secrets to her culinary success, I think I would do a happy dance there on the spot.  Consider spreading some joy this Christmas by sharing a guide to your own kitchen creations by creating a recipe book. 

You can make it fancy using services by Blurb or Lulu for professional-looking layouts and high-end printing.  These sites walk you through each step and will allow you to order the exact number of copies you need. 

For a more frugal approach, Better Homes and Gardens has a quick and easy guide to creating your own handmade recipe book from some decorative papers, chipboard and 4X6 index cards.  By using some of the terrific scrapbooking art on the web, such as the FREE word art from Shabby Princess that I used at the top of this post, you can create a really beautiful, custom book for an itty-bitty, little price.  (You really need to check out her site, by the way, for free papers, fonts, and embellishment collections.  I love them so much I used one set for my Thanksgiving invitations and another for my Christmas cards!)

I hope this makes your Christmas planning a little less hairy and a little more fun.  Off to coop!

Like our friend in the photo, I spent the better part of last week flat on my back on the couch.  (Unlike her, however, my appearance would have scared off… well, anyone but my very loyal husband!)  Bronchial problems, sinus pain, aches, dizziness… I was a wreck.  To top it off, I had just started feeling better when a three-day migraine descended.  Amidst self-pity and sniffles, I realized that I still needed to make sure the kids were getting some schoolwork done.

As many of you already know, when we moved last fall, we got very behind in our schoolwork.  Not just a little behind, but weeks and weeks of missing checkmarks in my homeschool planner   I spent the dreary months of winter working hard to catch us up, so when I felt the viral beasties coming on, I decided that there was NO WAY I was going to let some little (ok, maybe not-so-little) germs negate all of our hard work.

As medicine-head descended, however, this was easier said than done.  I ended up having to triage.  By separating the boys work into "easy to catch up with" and "nightmare to catch up with" piles, I got some focus.  The "easy" pile included things like art lessons, read-alouds, science and memory work.  These are subjects/tasks that I can bunch up and get through many in one session if I need to. 

Math, Writing with Ease, and Grammar topped the "nightmare" pile.  I can't just hand the kiddos 10 backlogged math worksheets and expect them to do them in an hour or two.  (Frankly, I wouldn't want to to 10 math worksheets in one sitting:-)  I also have not yet taught the boys how to take dictation in fast-forward mode.

In my few moments of clarity, I glanced through their math to see whether I needed to teach any new skills.  I happened to get lucky because last week focused primarily on review.  So, I let them hit the school room while I collapsed on the couch for 30 minutes of recovery.

Possible snafu with this plan:  When I am in the school room with the kids, they stay on task and get the job done.  When I am otherwise engaged (i.e., hacking my lungs out on the couch), they are more easily distracted.  Solution: Put one at the school room table and one at the dining room table.  This avoids the whole, "Mooom, he's looking at me… whistling at me… breathing on me…!" scenario.

Throughout the day, I would alternate something out of the "nightmare" pile with something the kids could do on their own.  This way, the kids' brains did not turn to mush, and I didn't have to face down a huge backlog when I came out of germie-land. 

Triaging homeschool work when you are sick isn't a guaranteed way to eliminate sick-day backlog, but it will set you up for better things when you start to feel stonger again.  It also gives your kids some purposeful activity while you are down for the day.

Do you have a great tip on homeschooling when mom is sick?  Drop it in a comment!

(Note: I have included links to all of these locations.  Even if you can't take your homeschoolers to these locations physically, many of them have virtual tours accessible from their websites.  They also have some terrific learning activities and lessons plans for your educational enjoyment!)

Yorktown Victory Center was next on the agenda.  We were scheduled for a family tour from 10am-noon, and then each kiddo had a one hour class after lunch.  I was a little leary of the two-hour time frame for the tour, but Jackie Conrad (or Miss Jackie, as she preferred) lit those kids on fire.  Now, I will preface this by telling your that our tour groups had all boys… I know… AND, they were all between the ages of 4 and 12…  Luckily, we had tour guide extraordinaire and that whole group of boys was quiet and engaged for the entire 2 hours.  I was surprised to look down at my watch and discover that it was also over.

We toured the farm (the turkeys were hilarious, docile and pettable – an unusual combination), as well as the encampment.  Kiddo #1 was labelled "Insubordinate" and Kiddo #2 was a "Gambler" when we pretended to be soldiers gone wild.  They didn't think that wooden horse looked any too fun to sit on, though.  They decided that they would rather be noble and honorable like General Washington, rather than sitting on a pointy wooden horse for hours.  Good choice, boys!

We packed a lunch and ate in the car.  Yorktown and Jamestown are smaller than Colonial Williamsburg, and it is easier to get to the parking lot.  We had just enough time for lunch before we were due at the classes.  Kiddo #1 took on the Revolutionary War class for the 3rd through 6th grade set, and Kiddo #2 and the other K-2nds went to Colonial Life.  These classes provided lots of reinforcement for what we had been learning throughout the week, which made them very worthwhile.

The next day, Jamestown was beckoning.  Again, we had a two-hour tour, which took us through the Jamestown Settlement and the Powhatan Indian Village, as well as down to the wharf to see replica of the Susan Constant, Godspeed, and the Discovery.  Did I mention the musket and cannon demonstrations?  All three of my guys probably would have watched the weaponry all day if they could have.  The classes this time were Culture at Jamestown for the olders and Powhatan Indians for the youngers. 

One of the silly, little fun things about Jamestown for us was that the boys had made Jamestown replicas by Homeschool in the Woods.  Amy Pak offers them for free here, and like so many of her other products, they are really well-done.

The ships gave us all a whole, new perspective on how difficult crossing the Atlantic was during those times.  They were very small, and we didn't know that one of them was stuck in port at London for over one whole month!  Once they were on the ship, the captain wouldn't let them off in case the winds became favorable.  And, to think I get crankly when I am stuck on the tarmack at O'Hare!

On our final day in Virginia, we packed up the car and headed north to Alexandria area, host to George Washington's estate, Mount Vernon.  The picture at the top of this post is the kiddos and me with the working oxen on the plantation.  (We discovered that oxen feel softer than they appear!)  Unfortunately, we were raced through our house tour – apparently, they were behind and had school groups coming in.  Luckily, we always managed to stay one step ahead of the crowds and really got to explore the grounds and outbuildings. 

For those of you who love old homes, as I do, the house was worth the trip.  The plaster work was impressive and all of the details of manor life were very interesting.  I also appreciated how a very private couple managed a very public life by tucking away compartments just for themselves.  The Education Center on the grounds was very kid-friendly.  There is an entire timeline of Washington's life that shows children now just what he did, but how he lived, as well.

The view from the back porch across the Potomac drew me.  I almost had to yank myself away… it is no wonder Washington didn't like to leave Mount Vernon.  I have a sneaking suspicion that, if there had been a White House during his presidency, he would have refused to live there:-)

We saw his old tomb, which he declared in his will was not situated ideally and directed it be moved.  Then, we saw the new tomb.  They were doing some type of honorarium on the day we were there, so we all were given red carnations to place at the entrance to the Mausoleum.  It was a quite and poignant moment for Professor Dad and I.  We were drawn to the history that seemed to surround us, and were moved by the amount of blood, sweat and tears that secured the freedom we enjoy today.

It was on this note that we trekked back to the car to begin the last legs of our learning journey.  The boys had learned so much, as did we.  The time period that we have been studying for the last few months came alive to all of us.  How lucky we are as homeschoolers that we can show our children the history of this great country, as well as the character traits that went into its creation!

We just returned from our Colonial Times/Revolutionary War learning trip to Virginia, where we were happy to see the first signs of spring had begun to pop out.  (When we left Wisconsin, it was a frigid 10 degrees!)  We packed our week with all kinds of events and experiences that gave the kiddos a hands-on look at what was happening during one of the most eventful times in our country.  The entire experience was terrific, and I highly recommend it for anyone studying Colonial Times and/or the American Revolution.  Sonlight's Core 3 and Tapestry of Grace's Year 2, Units 3 and 4.

Last year, when I attended the Midwest Homeschool Convention – probably one of the best conventions I've been to – I happened upon a booth set up by Colonial Williamsburg.  They had flyers for Home Educators' Week, which they put on twice a year, once in spring and once in fall.  The spring session focuses on Colonial life and the fall session concentrates a bit more on government.  The rates are deeply discounted, and nearby Yorktown and Jamestown also offer discounted rates and programs at the same time.

We started our trip by heading down to Lexington to stay the first night with friends, and then hit the road again early the next morning.  First stop… Monticello, the incredible home of Thomas Jefferson.  We toured the mansion, especially enjoying the library and study, where we saw a tabletop, rotating bookholder that held 5 books open at a time.  My son decided he needed one of those (I was thinking the same thing!)  Even though everything was still pretty brown, the grounds were beautiful and the views were amazing.

After leaving Monticello, we still had about 2.5 hours in the car before reaching our hotel.  We have decided over the years that staying in a hotel/condo/timeshare type of location works best for us because of the kitchen.  It is so nice to be able to have my morning tea in pajamas and eat breakfast first thing without hunting down a restaurant.  We can also make lunches for our day trips if we choose.  At the end of a long day of walking, it is so nice to grab some food at Trader Joe's and have a simple – and healthy – dinner of chicken salad on spinach with fruit.  Yum!

The next morning, after our healthy and convenient breakfast:-), we headed off to Colonial Williamsburg.  We purchased the 2-day home educators pass, which gave us just enough time for us to enjoy everything without burning out.  Note: Colonial Williamsburg involves alot of walking.  If you have small children, do yourself a favor and bring a stroller.  We were able to wander the streets and listen to the interpreters at the various sites, such as the gunsmith's shop, the milliner's, and the weaver's.  Of course, we had to stop and pet the carriage horses, Gunner and Trooper.  Kiddo #2 was petting one of them when we realized that he had fallen asleep (the horse, not the kid.)  It was very funny because Professor Dad had just been telling the boys that horses sleep standing up.  They were able to see it firsthand… isn't this one of the reasons we homeschool?

The kids wore the costumes that we made before we left for the trip and felt very period-appropriate.  Unfortunately, my textile skills are less than stellar, but the kids didn't seem to mind.  We also enjoyed the costumes worn by many of the other families there… some of those moms should win a medal, the costumes were just beautiful.

Over the course of the two-days, we saw both the Marquis de Layfayette and George Washington give talks at the Kimball Theatre.  The actors were amazing… 45-minute presentations flew by.  The kids were spellbound, and had questions and pictures with them afterward.  The Marquis was especially good.  I didn't realize how young he was when he came to the States to fight for freedom… he was only 19.  I call that purpose!  I suspect the boys secretly want to be him when they grow up!

We also toured the Governor's Palace and learned that Lord Dunmore (the governor) didn't think it was much of a palace compared to his real home in Scotland.  Maybe that made him a bit crabby??  The grounds were very pretty, but one of the neatest parts of the Palace area was the maze in the back.  Be aware, your children will want to spend hours chasing each other around back there… it's a little mini-fantasy world for adventurous young people. 

The Capitol building was equally impressive, and the guide there was fantastic.  We were also able to participate in a mock trial at the courthouse.  My role was a wealthy widow who was sewing a workman for ruining her tobacco.  Very dramatic, yes?

So, that was it for the Colonial Williamsburg portion of our trip.  Except for the sheep.  That's right, the sheep were a big hit.  For some reason on both days, we happened to be walking past the sheep pen around feeding time.  Those sheep took one look at the boys hanging over the fence and started up a chant of baas heard round the world (I know, wrong colony.) 

Up next, Yorktown, Jamestown and Mount Vernon!  Click here for Part Two of our learning journey.

The other day, I was talking with a discouraged homeschooling mom.  She and her husband homeschool  because they want to raise faithful, honorable, educated children.  To that end, they want to make Bible education a priority.  Unfortunately, they are only just now developing their own knowledge of the Bible.  Neither of them grew up studying the Bible, and the idea of teaching it to their children is intimidating.  As she said, "I have no problem teaching math or reading.  I know those subjects.  But, I grew up in a church that put zero emphasis on Bible study.  My husband was the same.  We have been trying to study more ourselves, but the responsibility for the faith lives of our kids seems overwhelming when we feel so unequipped."

Do you ever feel this way?  Has Bible education been side-lined until you can find the "right" curriculum or until you "know enough"?  Maybe you simply need permission to look at this from a different angle.

First of all, Bible education in your homeschool isn't rocket science.  God made His Word accessible to those who seek Him.  I'm going to be very honest with you.  When I spoke with this woman, the first thing I felt was empathy.  I have also felt completely unequipped in this area.  It has only been in the last 10 years that I really started studying the Bible in earnest.  I didn't even know how.  But once I decided on a method and committed the time, I was amazed at how much my study enriched my day-to-day life.  I still don't understand everything in the Bible.  Does anyone this side of heaven?  I choose to see that as a plus… there's always something new to learn.  Isn't that part of what homeschooling is all about?

Second, while there are many resources out there, realize that they are all tools to help you focus on one thing… the Bible.  Don't be overwhelmed by the curriculum and study guides and book options you come across.  If you'd like a template, seek one with a philosophy that fits for your family and use it as a tool.  My criteria are: 1) no Bible "lite," meaning I am not crazy about programs that are heavy on the arts and crafts and lite on Bible reading. 2) Facts before feelings.  I get frustrated with programs that ask young children how they "feel" about Bible passages.  Feelings rooted in themselves are highly unreliable.  I want my children to focus their efforts at thorough understanding first. 3) Historical context for illumination.  The Bible was written from a perspective and in a time about which many of us know next to nothing.  I look for concordances and footnotes and commentary that shed light on the 'why' in addition to the 'what.' 

Third, real Bible study can be most productive with only the Word of God and possibly a few tools.  You don't need every Bible study guide known to man.  Simply, make sure you have your Bible at hand and read to your children directly.  Even if your curriculum provides you with the text, I would skip it and go straight to God's Word.  Your children will begin to realize that the Book is more than just a book.  Get a good concordance, commentary, Bible dictionary and maybe a book of historical maps to help your kids see the political and geographical landscape of the Bible.  That's all you really need to draw your children deep into the subject.

Fourth, the model of your faith is more important to your children than your familiarity with Hebrew or Greek.  When you demonstrate that you are still learning, this will motivate your children as well.  When I have my quiet time each morning, my son will sometimes sit next to me and read from his Discoverer's Bible.  An example, even an imperfect one, has more impact that you can imagine.

I realize that parents today, more often than not, forget that they are to be models of wisdom to their children.  We see this everyday in adults that never seem to want to grow up.  But, for those of you who are worried that you haven't got enough wisdom, I just want to remind you that the impact of God's Word on the life of your children comes to them through the Holy Spirit.  God will get to them with you, through you and often, in spite of you:-)  So, take heart and teach them.  He promises to come alongside you in your calling as a parent. 

Next time, we'll get into more detail on specific how to's and other resources for Bible education.

Photo by Kym McLeod, www.gisministry.org

Today, I am going to share 3 different scenarios of what purpose looks like in the life of real kids.  I have intentionally avoided stories that you will see in newspapers (i.e., 6-year-old Raises $3M By Singing on Streetcorner) not because these are not worthy stories, but because I think it's critical for you to see that purpose looks different to each child and each family.  We are not always called to what I call 'loud' purposes.  Some of the quietest things we do can make an impact we may never see.  Some of our biggest challenges may not even affect others all that much, but will change who we are inside.  Those changes add up to quality actions that reverberate throughout the family, community and world.  Lofty thoughts?  Maybe, but definitely worth mulling.

We know purpose is instrumental in turning children away from the easy and the lazy, and toward the hard and the worthwhile.  So, how do we guide them?  What is 'meaningful work,' anyway?

Meaningful work looks slightly different at different ages.  Our job as parents is to develop in wisdom.  We can then help our children understand the difference between selfish goals and edifying goals.  We can show them how to shoot high, while still retaining a grip on reality.  We can give them the moral, spiritual and physical tools they need as a foundation for pursuing their purpose.

I think some examples will clarify this a bit.  These are real life stories about three different age segments.  Feel free to share your own stories in the comments.

Pre-school Sticking Power

When my youngest son was just barely four, he really wanted to learn to ride a bike – no training wheels – along with his big brother.  They did everything together, and he didn't want to be left in the dust.  Now, I will be honest, I wasn't all that on board with this idea.  A trip to the emergency room wasn't high on my to do list that day.  However, this is our 'challenging child' and he was relatively coordinated, so I was curious to see what he would do if we let him.  Professor Dad, aka Scott, was just as curious as I was.  We gave him a helmet, told him what to do, and ran with him once or twice.  At that point, we heard the age-old, "Can I do it myself?  I don't need any help." (Anyone else?!)  OK.  We sat down in the front yard to watch. 

That little guy fell down 85 times!  No, that is not a typo.  85 times he dumped that bike, and each time he got back on and tried again.  Sure enough, he taught himself to ride without training wheels that day!  As painful as this was to watch, I realized something that day.  Even the little ones can do mighty things if they are working with a purpose and given the right tools.  He had his goal, appropriate guidance from us, and the bike.  Did he hurt himself?  Yup.  But, that lesson in perseverance was worth all the scraped knees and mommy pain in the world.

School-Age Savvy

A young lady I know, age 11 at the time, was determined to start babysitting.  She is a homeschooler and lives out of town.  She had to be creative to grow a real babysitting business.  She decided to provide free babysitting during our homeschool group's Boy Scout/Cub Scout meetings.  Parents who volunteer during the meetings could leave their younger ones with her while they helped the scouts.  She didn't just stick these kids in a room and stare at them.  She lined up activities, brought snacks (after asking about allergies), and gave each parent an individualized info sheet on what their child did that night.  She was smart enough to add her contact information to that sheet letting everyone know that she was also available to sit at other times.  She was humble enough to know that to reach her goal, she would have to prove herself trustworthy.  She was patient enough to realize that this wouldn't happen overnight.  The result?  Not only did she get jobs from her efforts, she also has the respect and gratitude of every parent in that group, including me.

Middlers Ministry

Our church has a group of young people who decided a few years ago to start a puppet ministry.  A couple of adults provide oversight, but these kids had to raise funds for puppets, lighting, and staging – none of which is inexpensive.  They have to practice often which involves a great deal of teamwork to get the puppets all talking at the correct times.  They set up venues so they can share their faith, and they go to competitions to keep their skills sharp.  Most under the age of 15, this purpose has given them grown-up qualities and experiences that will last them all of their lives.

None of these examples have been taken from the annals of history, however, I could give you scores of those as well.  Why?  Because expectations of young people were far higher years ago than they are now.  Even the George Washingtons were not 'exceptional' children.  They were everyday kids who were given the key to moving forward… purpose.

I encourage you to look for opportunities like these.  In a very young child, it may be a simple as giving them the paper when they want to create a 'book' on all of the animals at the zoo.  As they get older, they may feel driven to raise funds for their scout troop with door-to-door sales.  By the time they are 11, they can help plan a family mission trip. 

Many parents expect that greatness will manifest itself naturally in their children, but they have it backward.  By teaching kids to seek purpose and giving them a heart for the good and true and beautiful, they create the environment for greatness to grow.

Remember, children are sparks.  Stoke those fires so that when they hit their teen years, they have become so able that they can't even imagine choosing mediocrity.

Image by Kriss Szkurlatowski

His parents are worried that Michael is going to become a young man who never really leaves childhood.  They look to the future and are haunted by the image of a 24-year-old who hasn't yet left home, a 30-year-old still playing video games, or a 40-year-old who centers entire seasons around sporting events at the expense of his family.

Some readers are thinking, "But, he's only nine years old!  What more do you expect?!" 

Exactly.

What do we expect?  I suspect if we were to poll parents, we would see that many do not have a whole lot of expectations of their children.  The reason?  Why, they are only kids, of course!  When they get to high school THEN they need to start thinking about more responsibility, about the bigger issues of life.  Maybe even college.  Aw, heck, college should be fun.  They have years before they need to really knuckle down and do something meaningful.

I say that's garbage.  It's a copout.  It shows selfish and faulty thinking on the part of parents.  Laziness does not begin in high school or in college.  Early childhood habits, beliefs, and philosophies determine future behavior.  Homeschoolers are in danger of this just as much as everyone else.  Our entire culture is built around the idea that somehow kids need a break.  From what?  Almost every parent I know has mentioned at least once that their child is an endless source of almost limitless energy.  Why are we so conditioned to waste that?

One little word speaks volumes here.  Expectations.  Children live in a world where we expect absolutely nothing of them with the exception of bad behavior.  They are willing to give us what we expect. 

If you have come this far with me today, I imagine you are now at the point where you are nodding your head, but wondering what in the world you can do about it.  How can you unlock the door that keeps our children slaves to low expectations?  Is there a key to freeing them to a life of joy and meaning?

Good news!  One key unlocks this door, and that key has a label… PURPOSE.  We are all wired to seek purpose in our lives.  God made us to fight for something worthy.  If you don't give your children something worthy to fight for, they will often resort to fighting for meaningless tokens.  A large group of young adults now fight for their right to veg in front of the TV, to smoke if they want to smoke, to tell anyone what they think regardless of their message.  They are drifting in a society that expects them to be belligerent, lazy, and self-centered.  In a nutshell, they are unpurposed.

Instead of drifting with them, parents, anchor your children early in purposeful work. Help them find interesting, meaningful work that gives them responsibility, delight, and the invaluable opportunity to succeed OR fail.  Our generation never experienced the gift of high expectations.  No excuses though, it is our responsibility to give it to our kids.

But what about 'challenging kids'?

I'd suggest that purpose is especially important for challenging kids.  Those kids that stretch you and make you crazy are top candidates for meaningful work.  They have high levels of energy and gifts that may be less obvious that their less 'challenging' counterparts.  However, the psychologists and others who analyze these kids often overlook one critical piece of information.  The energy and unlikely gifts of these kids are more powerful than you can imagine.  Your job is to teach them to use those powers for good.

And guess what?  Your dedication in that mission will not only benefit your child, but you, your family, and your community as well.  Peace in the home is derived from each family member enjoying a purpose, really contributing to something.  Young people are not magically exempt from this timeless truth, no matter what the latest cable TV show tells you.

Young people are not given nearly enough credit for what they bring to the table of life.  Expect great things from your kids.  They may fall short, but they will always reach higher than they would have had they been given mediocre expectations.  Purpose challenges them.  They will stretch themselves, and stretching creates growth.

Now we know why we want to help our kids to a life of purpose.  How, then, do we create this purpose?  The first step is realizing that your role is not that of a creator, but rather that of a guide and sometimes facilitator.  Your child's heart already holds dreams and interests.  Your job is to guide them to the dreams and interests that are meaningful, worthy and within appropriate boundaries for their age and abilities.  They have the spark; you provide the wisdom.

Since this post is growing a mind of its own, I am going to split these ideas up a bit.  In my next post, I am going to share 3 scenarious, based on different ages, of what this looks like in real life.

Image by Kim Hattaway