The other woman is full of life.  She is dressed in a smart, but comfortable track suit, with her hair pulled back neatly into a ponytail.  This woman has a spring in her step as she walks.  Her eyes sparkle as she laughs with the two little ones at her side.  One of them has just found a sprig of grass growing up through the snow.  "How does a flower grow in the snow, Mommy?"  So, they all stop and talk about it for just a moment, then they continue on to their destination.  That destination is home, where they will get scooped up and bear-hugged by the father who loves them dearly.

They will all share a meal together, talking about what happened that day and telling silly jokes.  Afterward, the woman and her husband will catch up on their reading or projects.  They will be productive but still available if one of the kids needs a quick tutoring session.  Then there are the "chase breaks" to let off some pent-up energy.  After some play time and some story time, it's time for bed.  The children know the rules, and are off to bed with minimal fuss.  Mom and Dad spend some time talking over adult things and then relax a little before they, too, turn in for the night.  They are looking forward to morning… tomorrow will be another day!

Which of these women are you?  More importantly, which of these women do you want to be? 

Finding the energy for all of our adult responsibilities can seem just out of reach.  However, turn that around for a moment.  Remember that all of those responsibilities are pieces of what we like to call "life"!  Our activities can often be traced back to things we have chosen, things we have wanted.  Think about it, our children… we love them more than our own lives.  Our work… whatever it is, it gives us something, whether it is a clean house, money to pay for that house, or a house for our own creative endeavors.  Our service projects… how wonderful and blessed we are to be in a position where we can help others.  Do you see where I am going with this?

So, how do you live with life?

By looking at life from a new angle.  The old "look for the silver lining" may be cliche, but cliches are coined for a reason… they are often true!  Most of us are in an enviable position.  We have homes, families, clothes, food, recreation.  We are the master's of our own ships so to speak, in that we decide what comes into our lives and what we allow to stay.  So, why are we having such a hard time being happy?  Why can't we step out of the rat race even when we want to?  The answer to that really just boils down to perspective.

Guess what, ladies, you don't have to do everything!  That's right, I am officially giving you permission to step off your spinning wheel and say "no".  You can buy the brownies for the 26th children's event this month rather than making them from scratch.  You can tell the church social committee that you won't be joining them this year.  You can give your children limits on how many extra-curricular activities they can participate in.  Then, you use your time to do the things that matter and do them well!  That is how you live with life.

Here's the caveat, other people may not like it.  Other moms may whisper that you were too lazy to bake.  The social committee may question your devotion to the Lord (which, by the way, isn't aligned with your service on any committee).  You kids may get down-right angry with you.  Let them.  At the beginning, it will be hard because you won't be pleasing everyone.  But, I have a not-so-little secret for you:

You aren't pleasing everyone anyway.  On the surface, you may think you are, but deep down you know what you could be doing better if you only had the time.  The more stretched you are, the more the quality of what you do suffers.  I have another cliche for you (I know, I know, bear with me!)  "That which is worth doing is worth doing well."  Now, my guess is that you have heard that one before too.  EMBED IT INTO YOUR HEART RIGHT NOW!  You will get more life out of that little sentence than you will out of 10 self-help books.  The trick is to apply it to every aspect of your life.  That means cutting back in areas that are not-so-important in order to focus on areas that are. 

Start by examining your activities using comparison and motivation/result.  Is it more meaningful if I back the cupcakes from scratch (pat on the back from other moms) or use the time to keep the house organized and tidy (more relaxed, healthy home atmosphere)?  Should I serve on the social committee (kudos from church folks) or spend that time exercising (taking care of my health so that I can serve in the future when the kids are in college)?  Is carting the kids around to a million and one activities (so they are "happy") really more important than guarding their time for free play, to rest, or even (gasp) to be bored (strengthening family bonds and fostering creativity)?

Just for the record, there is nothing wrong with being involved (this comes from a self-diagnosed extrovert).  But, you may find yourself so involved that you say things like, "If I could just get caught up" the minute you wake in the morning or "Why do we have to go to dinner at Pete and Marcie's tonight?" when, in fact, you love Pete and Marcie.  When that happens, you aren't living with life.  Your life has gotten away from you. 

At first, it won't be easy.  Likely, you will struggle with guilt and inferiority more than anything.  Pride will also rear its ugly head when it figures out that you may not be perceived as "superwoman" anymore.  But, if you shoulder on and commit to your true priorities, you'll soon find the sun breaking through the clouds.  Your husband may ask, "What happened, honey, you seem so relaxed?"  Your kids will say to their friends, "My mommy isn't grouchy, she smiles alot!"  Your friends and acquaintances will be somewhat envious and ask you how you can be so calm and pulled-together all the time.

That's when you simply smile enigmatically and answer, "I am just Living with Life!"   

Being moms, one of our top priorities is to raise honest, compassionate, intelligent children.  We'd also like to grow our marriages, serve our communities and churches, provide support to our extended families, bond with our friends, run our businesses and maybe take a nap now and then.  Add to those lofty goals the more menial tasks such as housekeeping, exercise, meal planning and feeding the kitty, and you have a schedule that has you on autopilot 99% of the time.

The key to life isn't cramming as much as we possibly can into already demanding days.  We don't need to take everything one step further.  Instead, let's take it a few steps higher.  We need to step out of our everyday and find our Big Picture.

What do I mean by Big Picture?  On the days we are swept up in life's tornado, we need a compass to find our true north.  The only way to find that true north is to rise above the twister.  We can then see what we are trying to accomplish.  We can determine why we are doing what we are doing.  This allows us to eliminate (yes, I said it) eliminate, activities that do not bring us closer to our life's purpose.  It is only after the analysis that we have a  compass to point us on the right path.  We want to align all of our activity with our priorities so that we have the freedom to act on our priorities.

Your Big Picture is going to look a whole lot different from mine.  It will also differ from your mother's, your sister's, and even your best friend's.  We can lift each other up through life, but no one can walk your walk for you.  So, how do you stay on track?  By asking the Big Picture questions.

What is your Big Picture?

(By the way, just for fun, I created this exercise as a pdf file that you can download for free.)

What do you value most on this earth?

How do you want to live?

What motivates you?

What are your contraints?

How can you use those constraints to your advantage?

What do you feel called to impact?

What do you see in your present life that will help you do so?

What can you put in your future life that will help you do so?

Today, I challenge you to grab a notepad and your favorite pen, and write down what your Big Picture looks like.  Look past the soccer practices and the music recitals, the church pot-luck supper and the dirty laundry.  Examine what you want your life to look like right now.  Then, re-examine what it would look like if you knew tomorrow was your last day to make a difference.  The outcome you want from this exercise is the middle place… the steps in between.  We are often told to imagine our eulogies.  Realistically, though, you have a life to live between now and then.  There are tasks (like diapering the baby) that need to be done whether or not they are part of your 100-year plan.

Now, take a look at what you long for and what you have, and create a ladder between the two.  Examine what you can do today that will get you where you want to go.  Then, examine what you have today that is fulfilling your purpose.

I'll give you an example, I am homeschooling my children in the here and now.  For our family, it is the best choice out of all possible options.  The outcome I envision is a pair of educated, intelligent men, who are a joy and inspiration to others.   This is what I can do today to further that outcome.

To the other end, I am running this blog and my website, www.askprofessormom.com to provide resources and encouragement for moms, especially those of the homeschooling variety.  What I have now is my education experience and business background.  I may want to use those skills to have more influence on our community and the world in general.  However, right now I need to contribute from my home because my family needs me.  By using these big skills in my own small way, I can contribute to the future.

This is a powerful exercise.  If you keep coming back to your results, you will be able to ground yourself a little more firmly during your days of chaos.

Stay the Course, ladies!

This morning, I was listening to a Burl Ives (remember him?  His is the deep, lovely voice narrating the classic version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, among many other things:-)  His CD of children's songs such as "Little White Duck" is a classic, and my boys ask for it about 10 times a day.  One song in particular touches my heart in a deep place.  It's called "Watch the Donut, Not the Hole".  The premise of the song is basically to see the good, not the bad; to look for the positive, not the negative.

As homeschooling parents, it is easy to forget that we not only have a great responsibility in educating our children, but we also have an incredible opportunity.  It is terribly exciting to examine our lives and see that, through the challenges of dirty diapers, mounds of lapbooks, and the constant need to be "the go-to gal (or guy)", we have myriad options available to us for self-development. 

What areas do we have influence over?  Time to call in a list (you will see as this blog grows that I love lists!):

• SoulStretch:  Spiritual development
• TouchPoint:  Kids' education
• WisdomSeekers:  OUR education
• BodyBliss:  Health and well-being (hygiene, exercise, nutrition/meal planning, mind-clearing/relaxation)
• SpaceSense:  Homekeeping
• Clear the Path:  Personal Productivity
• TimeTakes:  Service (volunteering, family, friends)
• The Means:  Finances
• TeamMates:  Your marriage

Now, I know what you are thinking!  You barely have time to shower.  How will you ever have time to work all of the above into your daily life?  It's time for the funny farm, right?  Take heart, my friends!  Everyone (yes, everyone!) has the capacity to track and improve on any and all of these areas.  I call these areas our "Core Elements" and they will be the focus of this blog.

Back to that donut.  The homeschooling community is full of dedicated, loving parents who seek to raise children who are full of integrity and character, as well as knowledge and wisdom.  With that goal, we encounter many challenges along the way.  Legislative issues, teacher's unions, logistical issues, exhaustion, misperceptions, motivating youngsters… most of us encounter at least one of these obstacles every day.  Well, this site isn't about the obstacles, it is about the opportunities.  I am going to challenge you to stretch your mind and your spirit as we seek to focus on our Core Elements, rather than all of the clutter that we see in the world.  We are going to learn to turn inward in order to generate more of what we seek.  We are going to listen less to the news and more to God's voice.  We are going to put less into defending homeschooling and more into demonstrating its fruit by how we live our lives.  We are going to focus less on the clutter and more on activities that yield results. 

This post is the beginning of a nine-week series on the Core Elements.  Next week, we will cover what I like to call the SoulStretch, a unique way of integrating your time with God into every aspect of your life.  We will be looking at real life examples of how to develop your spiritual walk by using mindfulness as a tool.  I am not going to rehash everything that homeschooling parents suffer from.  Instead, I want to encourage you to live fully this amazing life that you've been given!

In closing, I leave you with a little ditty to sing as you head to the Y or teach your son his math facts:

It's written on the rainbow, in letters made of gold
Written on the rainbow, there's wisdom to behold
My friend the little sparrow flew
Close enough to see
Written on a rainbow is this philosophy,

When you walk the streets, you'll have no cares
If you walk the lines and not the squares
As you go through life make this your goal
Watch the donut, not the hole.

Have a terrific day!